How does it go?

How is life supposed to go?

People say, move through life with no regrets, but learn from every mistake you make.

A part of me thinks, " yeah that sounds right". My dad always tells me, make your decision, don't regret regret, regret no use.

An even bigger part of me regrets everything, a regret that is swallowing me whole and I'm dwelling in a pit of despair.

Mistakes so big I can't believe I was blind to them. Looking back now it's easy to think " you fool, how obvious was that, SO FUCKING OBVIOUS you were throwing everything away".

It's hard to recreate the feelings of that moment in time. The same way if you suffer great pain (emotional, broke your leg, gave birth , etc) , years ahead when you think back it doesn't seem so bad.

I can't do anything to the past. I have no control over the future. And the present has left me wishing there was no future.